Side Hair

Making a point.

Let's use this opportunity to make a point.

For all that has been written about the Republican Party’s gaffe-prone new chairman Michael Steele, there is one thing no other publication has yet pointed out:  his Side Hair.

For those not in the know, Side Hair means you are not Bald.  Side Hair is what keeps Haired men from joining the Bald ranks with self-esteem and confidence.  Instead, they grip to their fading Haired lifestyle until the bitter end, no matter how pitiful and aesthetically unpleasant they look in the process.

Director/Side Hair enthusiast Ron Howard

Director/Side Hair enthusiast Ron Howard

Side hair is a culturally accepted norm in our society, which is quite strange if you think about it.  Men with side hair run corporations, Wall Street, and even government.  But their undue respect, and the power that comes with it, is simply a result of prejudices left over from previous generations.  Prejudices that have yet to be entirely stamped out.  Prejudices that teach our young men that side hair is still better than no hair at all.

Is it?  Is it, Ron Howard?

If there’s anything the Bald Wall stands firmly against — in neverending, unwavering opposition — it’s Side Hair.  A Bald man with side hair is like a Black Republican:  a confused anomaly ashamed of who he is, desperately trying to stay in a club that crossed his name off the list a long time ago.  He tries to ride the line and play both sides of the court (Bald on top, Haired on the sides!  A little something for everybody!).  It never works, and only burnishes his image as a weakling afraid to make to stand.  He is easily shifted by the slightest wind, chasing popular trends in an attempt to gain credibility, forever seeking to please everybody at once…  and inevitably loses his own soul in the process.

A message for those of you with Side Hair:   Either go big or go home.  GOP Chairmen cannot be fence-sitters, Michael Steele.  Shave it all off, accept who you are, and who knows:  you might find the Republican Party suddenly attracting female fans like it hasn’t since the days of Ike.





8 Responses to Side Hair

  1. […] young theater actor named Mike Chiklis shaved areas of his head to play a 65-year-old man with male-pattern Baldness in a production of “You Can’t Take It With You”.  Instead of using the standard […]

  2. […] Hair over voters’ eyes?  Only Joe knows fo’ sho’.  One thing is certain:  the Side-Haired Senator who lost a Presidential campaign twenty years ago now sits comfortably in the Executive […]

  3. […] sample Bald.  You want to sell albums, you go all the way. Otherwise, you’re trying to play both sides of the court, and you ain’t no Michael […]

  4. Provacyl says:

    My programmer is trying to convince me to move to .net from PHP.
    I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses.
    But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using Movable-type on a number
    of websites for about a year and am worried about switching to another platform.
    I have heard very good things about

    Is there a way I can import all my wordpress posts into it?
    Any help would be really appreciated!

  5. Damian says:

    Seems like you know very much pertaining to this specific topic and that shows thru this excellent post,
    titled “Side Hair | The Bald Wall”. Thanks

  6. ca101 says:


  7. 髪が細い方向けのパントテニルエチルエーテル、ペンタデカン酸グリセリド、が含まれた毛母細胞活性タイプ

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: