GOP Bashes Balds

April 30, 2009
-Snicker!-

(tee-hee-hee!)

First Democrat Joe Biden made some jokes at our expense.  Now the Gay Old Pervs are getting in on the fun.  Seems one Ohio Repub is in hot water for comparing a Bald pic of switch-hitter Arlen Spector with an equally Bald pic of Dr. Evil.  Quick… what’s funnier than Bald jokes?  Cancer jokes!

CINCINNATI (AP) — An Ohio Republican leader is being criticized for a blog post that used a photo of Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter, bald from chemotherapy, and one of the hairless Dr. Evil from the “Austin Powers” movies.

The webpage in question:

The photos drew charges of insensitivity from Tim Burke, the Democratic chairman in Hamilton County…  He sent a news release Wednesday with the headline “Republican Party Ridicules Cancer Patient.” Specter has battled Hodgkin’s disease.

[Hamilton County GOP Chairman] Alex Triantafilou …said Burke needed to “lighten up.”

The Republicans have never been big fans of minorities, and Balds are no exception.  But, as in many cases, they reached their nadir with former president George W. Bush, who never met a Bald he didn’t immediately proceed to noogie:

Bush gets some head from fellow Republican/homosexual prostitute Jeff Gannon.

...and again...

image_48597321984820-8027-019a0120Bush

bald05bald041bald02


FREE BOWE! Bald Held Hostage by Hairy Beards

July 20, 2009
Haired Hatemongers.

Haired Hatemongers.

It gets no Hairier than the tribal regions of Afghanistan, where the average 12-year-old already has a beard that would make Santa turn red.  Pfc. Bowe Bergdahl, a Bald U.S. soldier serving his country in the far east, found this out the hard way.  After wandering too far into enemy territory, he was captured and is now being held hostage at the whims of Haired madmen!

Watch the terrible Taliban video below (WARNING:  may make your Hairs stand on end):

The Bald Wall will keep you updated on Bergdahl’s story.  In the meantime, keep Bowe in your thoughts and prayers!  Let’s show these Hairs that Balds will never bow down before their grimy beards and assuredly unshaven ’70’s bushes!  You mess with one of us, you mess with ALL OF US!

This Bald don't run.

This Bald don't run.

UPDATE:

Off with our heads?

Off with our heads?

After their much-heralded Joe The Plumber character failed to earn John McCain the presidency, who could have guessed that the GOP would turn against Balds so venomously?  Republican and Haired Fox News analyst Ralph Peters is on TV calling for the Taliban to EXECUTE Bergdahl (!).  Apparently in Peters’ eyes, a head with no Hair isn’t worth the neck it’s attached to.

Via Raw Story.


Side Hair

March 30, 2009
Making a point.

Let's use this opportunity to make a point.

For all that has been written about the Republican Party’s gaffe-prone new chairman Michael Steele, there is one thing no other publication has yet pointed out:  his Side Hair.

For those not in the know, Side Hair means you are not Bald.  Side Hair is what keeps Haired men from joining the Bald ranks with self-esteem and confidence.  Instead, they grip to their fading Haired lifestyle until the bitter end, no matter how pitiful and aesthetically unpleasant they look in the process.

Director/Side Hair enthusiast Ron Howard

Director/Side Hair enthusiast Ron Howard

Side hair is a culturally accepted norm in our society, which is quite strange if you think about it.  Men with side hair run corporations, Wall Street, and even government.  But their undue respect, and the power that comes with it, is simply a result of prejudices left over from previous generations.  Prejudices that have yet to be entirely stamped out.  Prejudices that teach our young men that side hair is still better than no hair at all.

Is it?  Is it, Ron Howard?

If there’s anything the Bald Wall stands firmly against — in neverending, unwavering opposition — it’s Side Hair.  A Bald man with side hair is like a Black Republican:  a confused anomaly ashamed of who he is, desperately trying to stay in a club that crossed his name off the list a long time ago.  He tries to ride the line and play both sides of the court (Bald on top, Haired on the sides!  A little something for everybody!).  It never works, and only burnishes his image as a weakling afraid to make to stand.  He is easily shifted by the slightest wind, chasing popular trends in an attempt to gain credibility, forever seeking to please everybody at once…  and inevitably loses his own soul in the process.

A message for those of you with Side Hair:   Either go big or go home.  GOP Chairmen cannot be fence-sitters, Michael Steele.  Shave it all off, accept who you are, and who knows:  you might find the Republican Party suddenly attracting female fans like it hasn’t since the days of Ike.

Before...

Before...

After?

After?