Bald Benjamins

May 14, 2009

tebe_interesno at live journal decided to see how the great men featured on our currency would look if they decided to go Bald. 

I cannot tell a lie-- He looks good.

I cannot tell a lie-- He looks good.

two

Shave and a haircut, 2 bits.

 

Now imagine how good it would look with the stovetop hat.

Now imagine how hot that would look with the stovetop hat.

 

Maybe if Hamilton had shaved his head, he would have been president.

Maybe if Hamilton had shaved his head, he would have been president.

It's all about the Benjamin.

It's all about the Benjamin.

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Berry on Baldwatch

April 22, 2009

halle20berry2001201105THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS!

As the world awaits the birth of a purrrrfectly pretty new Bald (with both an Academy Award and a Razzie to her name), we here at The Bald Wall will keep you up to date on the Last Days of Halle’s Hair.

The Last Days Of Halle Hairy

The Last Days Of Halle Hairy

Truth be told, Halle is practically an honorary Bald already.  Not only did she star in Fred Durst’s “Behind Blue Eyes” video (as Durst’s love interest — now that’s acting!), it was her film with Bruce Willis that led to him selecting meeting his bimptastic new wife (and yes, there was that John Travolta “Swordfish” movie if you’re keeping count).

If you ask us, it’s high-time Halle joined our ranks for real.  But we like how she’s stretching it out for maximum anticipation — this is one actress who knows how to milk a moment.

halle-berry-1-lg1

Stretch it out, Halle.


Bald Sinners and Saints

April 9, 2009

 

How's My Hair?

Do you have an opinion on my hair?

Unfortunately, this fellow falls in the Bald Sinners category. Excited to be making an appearance on MSNBC, Jon Najarian decided to sport a formal upswept hair-don’t.  He’s a co-founder of the blog OpinionMonster.com (I’m not sure that’s the right link–if it is, his blog is almost as bad as his Bald-style).

Hopefully, Jon tivo-ed his television appearance, and upon watching it will realize that he needs to shave off that Star Trek meets David Crosby he’s rocking in the back. Please, Jon Najarian… go Bald.

A Profile: Sins Against Baldmanity

A Profile: Sins Against Baldmanity

 

Via Jezebel.

UPDATE: Wait a minute, this is Najarian’s real blog OPTIONmonster.com.  MSNBC’s caption was hilariously wrong, and the real link is a gem because I found Jon’s almost identically Bald brother Pete.

Expert Insights-- Into Everything Except Our Own Hair

Expert Insights-- Into Everything Except The Hair On Our Heads


Miss Virginia Will Take It All Off For Money

April 6, 2009
Wanna see her shaved?

Wanna see her shaved?

Beauty contest winner and reigning Miss Virginia Tara Wheeler has vowed to shave her head if she can raise $500,000 for pediatric cancer research.  But so far Wheeler’s take is still in the 5-digits, and the deadline is less than a week away.

…if Wheeler falls short, she vows to shave her head anyway — she’ll just wait until she’s finished her reign this summer. “Society needs to take a second look at how we deem someone pretty,” she said, explaining why she was drawn to the St. Baldrick’s Foundation.

Bravo to Tara for seeing the beauty in Bald.  If you want to pitch in, you can donate to her cause at the St. Baldrick’s Foundation website.


Megan Fox Shaves Her Head BALD!

April 1, 2009
Jennifer's Baldy.

Jennifer's Baldy.

Who’s that girl?

None other than sultry “Transformers 2” actress Megan Fox, who revealed her newly bald pate last night at the premiere for Seth Rogen laffer “Observe And Report“.

The sexy siren shaved her head for an upcoming role in Fox 2000’s remake of “Alien Nation“.  The original 1988 science fiction film about a family of aliens trying to adapt to earthly suburban life was a smart allegory about racism and sexism, and spawned an acclaimed television series which only ran for one season but has since become a cult classic.  In the new film, Fox will play alien Susan Francisco, a “Newcomer” who lobbies for the right to vote.

And speaking of newcomers…  welcome to the club, Megan!

UPDATE:  APRIL FOOLS!


ACCEPT OUR APOLOGIES:

paloma_jimenez_jr_20080606*Click here to see Vin Diesel‘s vivacious wife Paloma Jimenez!

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*Click here for Bruce Willis‘s Victoria’s Secret vixen Emma Heming!

34 *Click here for half-assed head-shaver Cassie Ventura!


Awesome Commercial

March 31, 2009

If you want to be the best, you’ve got to go Bald.


Side Hair

March 30, 2009
Making a point.

Let's use this opportunity to make a point.

For all that has been written about the Republican Party’s gaffe-prone new chairman Michael Steele, there is one thing no other publication has yet pointed out:  his Side Hair.

For those not in the know, Side Hair means you are not Bald.  Side Hair is what keeps Haired men from joining the Bald ranks with self-esteem and confidence.  Instead, they grip to their fading Haired lifestyle until the bitter end, no matter how pitiful and aesthetically unpleasant they look in the process.

Director/Side Hair enthusiast Ron Howard

Director/Side Hair enthusiast Ron Howard

Side hair is a culturally accepted norm in our society, which is quite strange if you think about it.  Men with side hair run corporations, Wall Street, and even government.  But their undue respect, and the power that comes with it, is simply a result of prejudices left over from previous generations.  Prejudices that have yet to be entirely stamped out.  Prejudices that teach our young men that side hair is still better than no hair at all.

Is it?  Is it, Ron Howard?

If there’s anything the Bald Wall stands firmly against — in neverending, unwavering opposition — it’s Side Hair.  A Bald man with side hair is like a Black Republican:  a confused anomaly ashamed of who he is, desperately trying to stay in a club that crossed his name off the list a long time ago.  He tries to ride the line and play both sides of the court (Bald on top, Haired on the sides!  A little something for everybody!).  It never works, and only burnishes his image as a weakling afraid to make to stand.  He is easily shifted by the slightest wind, chasing popular trends in an attempt to gain credibility, forever seeking to please everybody at once…  and inevitably loses his own soul in the process.

A message for those of you with Side Hair:   Either go big or go home.  GOP Chairmen cannot be fence-sitters, Michael Steele.  Shave it all off, accept who you are, and who knows:  you might find the Republican Party suddenly attracting female fans like it hasn’t since the days of Ike.

Before...

Before...

After?

After?