Vice President Biden puts Baldness in the spotlight

April 6, 2009
Hair to the throne.

Hair to the throne.

Vice President of the United States Joe Biden yesterday scored some laughs at Balds’ expense with a self-depreciating gag on his wispy white Hair:

Pointing to [Announcer Jim] Palmer’s scalp, the V.P. blurted out: “If I had this guy’s Hair, I might have had a shot in the primaries.” Removing his cap, Biden added: “You know… Look, there ain’t a whole lot there.”

Basebald?

Basebald?

See the video with your own eyes here (the “laughs” start at 1:45).

If Vice President Biden wants to put the spotlight on Baldness and its role in American politics, there’s no better place to start than with his own illustrious career.

Growing into office.

Growing into office.

Joe Biden became a Senator in 1973 and first ran for President in 1988 at the height of ’80’s era Baldism.  After a resounding defeat in the primaries, it is apparent that Biden drew the same conclusion from his loss that he joked about yesterday:

“If I had this guy’s Hair, I might have had a shot in the primaries.”

What happened next is not entirely known, a puzzle that can only be partly pieced together from archival footage and inside-the-Beltway hearsay.  What we do know is this:

That’s right.  Somehow, over a two-decade period while the country was occupied with taxes, blowjobs, and Iraq, Joe Biden went from this:

1988

1988

2008

2008

to this:

“Unbelievable” barely scratches the surface of this follicle feat.  Was it a miraculous reptile-like regeneration of lost cells?  Or a cynical ploy to pull the Hair over voters’ eyes?  Only Joe knows fo’ sho’.

But one thing is for certain:  the Side-Haired Senator who lost a Presidential campaign twenty years ago now sits comfortably in the Executive Branch — a heartbeat away from the most powerful office in the land — with a head full of Hair and a lot of questions to answer.