April 21, 2009
Jason needs a jump.
Balds everywhere hoped that Jason Statham‘s “Crank: High Voltage” would repeat the numbers Vin Diesel’s “Fast and Furious” did a few weekends ago and keep Balds on top of the box office. But alas, that Bald movie magic apparently does not carry over to Wannabalds. “Crank” opened at #6 with a measly $6.5 million, soundly defeated by the Hairricane of Zac Efron’s “17 Again”.
Statham can take little comfort in the fact that “Crank” at least opened at #1 in Germany — that country has always had an affinity for Balds, though not the kind the biggest b-movie star in the world would want to be associated with.
April 5, 2009
ReVinge is a dish best served Bald.
All of Hollywood is pulling their Hair out today trying to figure out how “Fast And Furious” made a record-smashing $72 million over the weekend. But we here at the Bald Wall weren’t surprised at all. When you look at these other record-breaking debuts, a pattern clearly emerges:
“xXx” – $46 million
“Live Free or Die Hard” – $48.3 million (most successful “Die Hard” in the series)
“Superman Returns” – $53.5 million
“Watchmen” – $55.2 million
“The Mummy Returns” – $70.1 million
“Austin Powers in Goldmember” – $73 million
‘I Am Legend” – $77.2 million (highest December opening weekend ever)
“The Matrix Reloaded” – $91.8 million (biggest debut ever for an R-rated film)
“X-Men: The Last Stand” – $107 million (largest Memorial Day weekend opening ever)
Get the message, Hairywood. Bald puts butts in the seats. Better start expanding theaters for Crank 2 while you can.
And a hard-earned standing ovation to Bald Wall member Vinny D!!!
Click here to see Vin’s vivacious wife Paloma Jimenez!
April 4, 2009
Bald action star Vin Diesel silenced his Haired haters on Friday, as “Fast And Furious” grossed an astonishing $30 million in one day!