Bimp Palace Goes Up In Flames

April 1, 2009
Just a reminder:  Balds should always wear sunblock.

Just a reminder: Balds should always wear sunblock.

It’s hard out there for a Bimp.  Just when you’ve selected your favorite Victoria’s Secret model to marry and the future’s looking positively peachy, your Idaho ski lodge burns to the ground in a blaze. Luckily Willis escaped without injury.

Our hearts and prayers go out to The Bimp and his bride.  If you’d like to donate money to the Willises to help them rebuild, click here.


Emma Heming photos

April 1, 2009

Putting the "mm" in "Emma".

Putting the "mm" in "Emma".

Enjoy this gallery of The Bimp‘s babelicious new bombshell wife.  (NSFW)


Bimp (noun): Bald Pimp

April 1, 2009
The Bimp.

The Bimp.

Is Bruce Willis the coolest Bald of all?  We knew he had married a sexy young swimsuit model over the weekend, but now reports are coming in on exactly how an Alpha Bald picks out his bride:

BRUCE Willis, 54, and his new wife, Emma Heming, 30, didn’t meet through friends, as his pals have insisted in fact, the superstar actor hand-picked her as a perfect stranger.

Emma Hemming.

Emma Heming.

An impeccable source tells Page Six: “During the casting of ‘Perfect Stranger’ [the suspense movie Willis made with Halle Berry two years ago], Bruce was very involved with the casting. In fact, you could say he was extremely involved no matter how minor the role.”

At Willis’ request, calls were placed to modeling agencies to fill the roles of extras and minor speaking parts.

Our casting source said, “He personally went through head shots and when the girls were called in to ‘read,’ he was there in the meeting. It was odd for the star of a movie to do so, but at the time he was single and I guess he needed a date.”

The casting sessions/blind dates went well enough. “He started dating [model] Tamara Feldman, with whom he coincidentally enough had a sex scene,” our insider said.

Then, Heming was selected for a small speaking part. Willis “started dating both Tamara and Emma but obviously, Emma eventually won out,” the source said.

Wow.

Alpha Bald doesn’t even do this man justice anymore.

Big Bimpin'.

Big Bimpin'.

Name a Haired man (that doesn’t start with the prefix “Al-“) who can order up a bevy of bodacious beauties to be paraded before him for his choosing like this.  Not since Imhotep has any Bald weilded such commanding authority in the pursuit of his lustful whims.  Bruce Willis may not be the most powerful Bald in the universe, but when it comes to the opposite sex, this groundbreaking Baldbanger is blazing trails few Balds have ever traveled.

Thus the invention of a new term is in order:  Bimp. Definition?  Bald Pimp.  Synonym?  Bruce f&%kin’ Willis.

Hats off to you, sir.

You have chosen...  wisely.

You have chosen... wisely.

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*Click here for more Emma Heming!


Bruce Willis Marries Hot Bikini Model

March 30, 2009
The Bald and the Beautiful.

The Bald and the Beautiful.

Alpha-Bald Bruce Willis married a bikini model more than 20 years his junior this weekend in the Carribbean, reports the Miami Herald.

The Bald Wall congratulates one of its most esteemed members, and invites all our Haired readers to TAKE THAT, SUCKERS!!!!

Bald Chaser.

Bald Chaser.


Emma Heming @ 2001 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

January 1, 2000

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Via wwtdd.

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*Click here for more Emma Heming!


EMMA HEMING GALLERY

January 1, 2000

bruce-emma2 EMMA HEMING

AGE:  30

OCCUPATION:  Actress/model

MARRIED TO:  Bruce Willis, a.k.a. The Bimp

PHOTO GALLERY:

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paloma_jimenez_jr_20080606Click here to see Vin Diesel‘s vivacious wife Paloma Jimenez!