EMMSCLUSIVE: Video of Emma Heming @ Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

May 6, 2009

-"Hello?"  -"Yippee ki yay, motherf@^&er."

-"Hello?" -"Yippee ki yay, motherf@^&er."

When Alpha Bald Bruce Willis picked Emma Heming out of a casting call on “Perfect Stranger” and married her out of nowhere in a whirlwind romance, few had even heard of the young lingerie model.  Media outlets scrambled for pictures of the Bald-loving beauty.

But when it comes to anything in the Willisphere, no one beats The Bald Wall to the punch.  We’ve unearthed a brief clip of the bride-to-be practicing her walk down the aisle in the 2001 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.  Brace yourself… for the Bimpress:

Run Emma Run.

Emma gaaawd.

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*Click here for more Emma Heming!


BALD SPOT: The Bimp & Bimpress Arrive at the Ball

May 6, 2009
Bounce light.

Bounce light.

SPOTTEDThe Bimp and his bethrothed arrive for the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute Gala in New York, looking positively Emmaculate!

The Head carpet treatment.

The Head carpet treatment.


All-New Emma Heming runway pics (NSFW)

April 10, 2009
See Emma walk.

See Emma walk.

The Bimpress is back!  Enjoy these highly NSFW pics of Bruce Willis‘s blushing bride strutting her stuff at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.


BIMPWATCH: The Bimp Honored With Lifetime Achievement Award

April 6, 2009
Beauty and The Bimp.

Beauty and The Bimp.

Alpha-Bald Bruce Willis (a.k.a. The Bimp) was honored this weekend with the Sonoma International Film Festival’s Lifetime Achievement Award for his roles in Bald classics like “Pulp Fiction”, “12 Monkeys”, and “Live Free or Die Haired”.

Baldsploitation.

Baldsploitation.

"So I'm thinking about shaving it off for Fight Club, but I don't know...  what do you think?"

"So I'm thinking about shaving it off for Fight Club..." "Do it, kid."

It was also the Bimp’s first public appearance with Victoria’s Secret model Emma Heming since the two tied the knot — and as usual, the nubile newlywed was looking hot enough to put sweat on your scalp!

Skin is in.

Skin is in.


Emma Heming photos

April 1, 2009

Putting the "mm" in "Emma".

Putting the "mm" in "Emma".

Enjoy this gallery of The Bimp‘s babelicious new bombshell wife.  (NSFW)


Bimp (noun): Bald Pimp

April 1, 2009
The Bimp.

The Bimp.

Is Bruce Willis the coolest Bald of all?  We knew he had married a sexy young swimsuit model over the weekend, but now reports are coming in on exactly how an Alpha Bald picks out his bride:

BRUCE Willis, 54, and his new wife, Emma Heming, 30, didn’t meet through friends, as his pals have insisted in fact, the superstar actor hand-picked her as a perfect stranger.

Emma Hemming.

Emma Heming.

An impeccable source tells Page Six: “During the casting of ‘Perfect Stranger’ [the suspense movie Willis made with Halle Berry two years ago], Bruce was very involved with the casting. In fact, you could say he was extremely involved no matter how minor the role.”

At Willis’ request, calls were placed to modeling agencies to fill the roles of extras and minor speaking parts.

Our casting source said, “He personally went through head shots and when the girls were called in to ‘read,’ he was there in the meeting. It was odd for the star of a movie to do so, but at the time he was single and I guess he needed a date.”

The casting sessions/blind dates went well enough. “He started dating [model] Tamara Feldman, with whom he coincidentally enough had a sex scene,” our insider said.

Then, Heming was selected for a small speaking part. Willis “started dating both Tamara and Emma but obviously, Emma eventually won out,” the source said.

Wow.

Alpha Bald doesn’t even do this man justice anymore.

Big Bimpin'.

Big Bimpin'.

Name a Haired man (that doesn’t start with the prefix “Al-“) who can order up a bevy of bodacious beauties to be paraded before him for his choosing like this.  Not since Imhotep has any Bald weilded such commanding authority in the pursuit of his lustful whims.  Bruce Willis may not be the most powerful Bald in the universe, but when it comes to the opposite sex, this groundbreaking Baldbanger is blazing trails few Balds have ever traveled.

Thus the invention of a new term is in order:  Bimp. Definition?  Bald Pimp.  Synonym?  Bruce f&%kin’ Willis.

Hats off to you, sir.

You have chosen...  wisely.

You have chosen... wisely.

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*Click here for more Emma Heming!


Bruce Willis Marries Hot Bikini Model

March 30, 2009
The Bald and the Beautiful.

The Bald and the Beautiful.

Alpha-Bald Bruce Willis married a bikini model more than 20 years his junior this weekend in the Carribbean, reports the Miami Herald.

The Bald Wall congratulates one of its most esteemed members, and invites all our Haired readers to TAKE THAT, SUCKERS!!!!

Bald Chaser.

Bald Chaser.