“OBSERVE” and RETORT!

May 4, 2009

It's not a game, Fox.

Fox plays a dangerous game.

Fringe’s Mysterious “Observer” Furthers Myth of Bald Evil and All Around Creepiness

Bald Spotters might have noticed that Michael Cerveris, who plays “Fringe”‘s very own version of “The X-Files”‘ Cigarette Smoking Man as the Bald and otherwordly Observer, has been making the rounds on TV lately.  Fox has strategically placed him in the audience of “American Idol” and various sports events (everything from a Yankees game to a NASCAR race) to help bolster interest in the show.


But at what expense?

Now “Fringe” has seen fit to hint that there are even more of these Bald figures who will begin popping up on the show.  A recent episode featured a child Observer even creepier than Cerveris.

What joys do we have to look forward to next?  Pacey fighting an army of all-powerful, world-conquering Balds?

The abyss stares back, Cerveris.

The abyss stares back, Cerveris.

Whether these Observers end up being forces of evil or impartial supernatural figures has yet to be seen.  Either way, this is sure to have a negative impact on Balds everywhere, branding us once again as outsiders — weird, alien-like “others”.  Can Jim Crow laws be far behind?  (On the bright side, no more long hairs floating in the water fountain!)

Already any Bald unfortunate enough to step into the vicinity of a Fox viewer has likely suffered the indignity of hearing, “Hey, you look just like that creepy guy on “Fringe!” from a hapless Hair.

That more of us will suffer this same fate is as certain as the fact that none of us will wake up tomorrow with bedhead.

Michael Cerveris, you’ve done a disservice to all Balds.  You traded our scalps to Rupert Murdoch for thirty pieces of silver and a walk-on in the new Orlando Jones movie.  In the immortal words of Billy Zane (a real Bald), “I hope you enjoy your time together!”

Membership…  Revoked!

I hope you can sleep at night, Mike.

I hope you can sleep at night, Mike.

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GOP Bashes Balds

April 30, 2009
-Snicker!-

(tee-hee-hee!)

First Democrat Joe Biden made some jokes at our expense.  Now the Gay Old Pervs are getting in on the fun.  Seems one Ohio Repub is in hot water for comparing a Bald pic of switch-hitter Arlen Spector with an equally Bald pic of Dr. Evil.  Quick… what’s funnier than Bald jokes?  Cancer jokes!

CINCINNATI (AP) — An Ohio Republican leader is being criticized for a blog post that used a photo of Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter, bald from chemotherapy, and one of the hairless Dr. Evil from the “Austin Powers” movies.

The webpage in question:

The photos drew charges of insensitivity from Tim Burke, the Democratic chairman in Hamilton County…  He sent a news release Wednesday with the headline “Republican Party Ridicules Cancer Patient.” Specter has battled Hodgkin’s disease.

[Hamilton County GOP Chairman] Alex Triantafilou …said Burke needed to “lighten up.”

The Republicans have never been big fans of minorities, and Balds are no exception.  But, as in many cases, they reached their nadir with former president George W. Bush, who never met a Bald he didn’t immediately proceed to noogie:

Bush gets some head from fellow Republican/homosexual prostitute Jeff Gannon.

...and again...

image_48597321984820-8027-019a0120Bush

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“BALD”: The Making Of THX1138

April 29, 2009
Peer pressure works.

Lice-free since 1971.

Dig this short documentary (via Dailymotion) about the making (and particularly, the shaving) of George Lucas’s debut “THX 1138”.  In the doc, Lucas, always progressively Bald-friendly in his casting choices, faces down a typical Hollywood Baldist who simply can’t imagine that any girl will be willing to shave her precious long locks for his silly little Bald flick.

Where does “THX 1138” rank in the Greatest Bald Films Of All Time?


Berry on Baldwatch

April 22, 2009

halle20berry2001201105THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS!

As the world awaits the birth of a purrrrfectly pretty new Bald (with both an Academy Award and a Razzie to her name), we here at The Bald Wall will keep you up to date on the Last Days of Halle’s Hair.

The Last Days Of Halle Hairy

The Last Days Of Halle Hairy

Truth be told, Halle is practically an honorary Bald already.  Not only did she star in Fred Durst’s “Behind Blue Eyes” video (as Durst’s love interest — now that’s acting!), it was her film with Bruce Willis that led to him selecting meeting his bimptastic new wife (and yes, there was that John Travolta “Swordfish” movie if you’re keeping count).

If you ask us, it’s high-time Halle joined our ranks for real.  But we like how she’s stretching it out for maximum anticipation — this is one actress who knows how to milk a moment.

halle-berry-1-lg1

Stretch it out, Halle.


Half-Assie

April 12, 2009

Well, well, well. Vin Diesel’s got the #1 movie in the country, Bruce Willis has a Victoria’s Secret model wearing his ring, Bald is being declared “cool” in the papers, and all of a sudden everybody’s breaking out the clippers in a race to the bandwagon.  Case in point:

Some shallow-end pussy shit.

Her better half.

What?  You don’t recognize her?  Why, that’s pretty-girl-who-wants-to-be-a-singer-and-an-actress-and-a-princess Cassie, who decided to try and catch some of that current Bald Heat for herself…  but apparently thought she could get away with just a little on the side.

Nah, sister.  No matter what your Haired Svengali Puff Diddy thinks, you can’t just sample Bald.  You want to sell albums, you go all the way. Otherwise, you’re trying to play both sides of the court, and let’s face it:  you’re no Michael Jordan.

Via TMZ.

How To Be A Player.

How To Be A Player.

34 (That’s not to say we’re above posting a gallery of her.)


THE BALD WALL: SIGOURNEY WEAVER

April 7, 2009

Check out this penultimate post for Sigourney Weaver on our sister site The Bald And Beautiful.  And mind your manners — Weaver could singlehandedly kick the ass of half our Bald Wall list (minus this fine fellow).

How cool is Ripley?  Let’s put it this way:  John McClane is a cool-ass character.  But it took 4 movies for John McClane to achieve what Ripley did in 3.  Gender, schmender — a tougher Bald would be difficult to find.  All Hail the Queen:

Enter:  THE BALD AND THE BEAUTIFUL

Enter: THE BALD AND THE BEAUTIFUL


Megan Fox Shaves Her Head BALD!

April 1, 2009
Jennifer's Baldy.

Jennifer's Baldy.

Who’s that girl?

None other than sultry “Transformers 2” actress Megan Fox, who revealed her newly bald pate last night at the premiere for Seth Rogen laffer “Observe And Report“.

The sexy siren shaved her head for an upcoming role in Fox 2000’s remake of “Alien Nation“.  The original 1988 science fiction film about a family of aliens trying to adapt to earthly suburban life was a smart allegory about racism and sexism, and spawned an acclaimed television series which only ran for one season but has since become a cult classic.  In the new film, Fox will play alien Susan Francisco, a “Newcomer” who lobbies for the right to vote.

And speaking of newcomers…  welcome to the club, Megan!

UPDATE:  APRIL FOOLS!


ACCEPT OUR APOLOGIES:

paloma_jimenez_jr_20080606*Click here to see Vin Diesel‘s vivacious wife Paloma Jimenez!

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*Click here for Bruce Willis‘s Victoria’s Secret vixen Emma Heming!

34 *Click here for half-assed head-shaver Cassie Ventura!