April 22, 2009
If “Crank 2” didn’t give you enough Bald for your buck, you won’t like the sound of this: desperate to retool his gears after dropping a box-office lemon, Jason Statham just signed on to a remake of Michael Winner’s Hair-heavy 1972 actioneer “The Mechanic”. In it, he’ll take on the flip-haired character originally played by the legendary Charles Bronson.
Watch this video of Bronson’s Hair in action, and tell us this role wouldn’t be more fitting for “Crank”-conqueror Zac Efron instead:
Real good choice, Hairywood. In any event, it remains to be seen how the Wannabald will handle his head this go round: has he learned his lesson? Will he finally trim down? Or totally wig out?
The Bald’s in your court, Mr. Statham.
April 21, 2009
Jason needs a jump.
Balds everywhere hoped that Jason Statham‘s “Crank: High Voltage” would repeat the numbers Vin Diesel’s “Fast and Furious” did a few weekends ago and keep Balds on top of the box office. But alas, that Bald movie magic apparently does not carry over to Wannabalds. “Crank” opened at #6 with a measly $6.5 million, soundly defeated by the Hairricane of Zac Efron’s “17 Again”.
Statham can take little comfort in the fact that “Crank” at least opened at #1 in Germany — that country has always had an affinity for Balds, though not the kind the biggest b-movie star in the world would want to be associated with.